Wednesday – Unemployed, Chasing My Dreams
Third Attempt – Day 2 of My “30-Day No Alcohol Challenge”
3:56 AM
Ugh, why is it that my brain decides 2:06 AM is the perfect time to wake up? I wish I could catch some decent sleep for once. The tiredness is getting old. Today’s gonna be tough if I don’t manage to sneak in a bit more shut-eye.
My mind is all over the place, racing like a horse at the Kentucky Derby. There’s just so much to figure out – how to make enough money to live, not lose my SUV, and finally build that dream house on our land down the road.
Living in my parents’ fishing camp was okay at first, but it’s not ideal for the long term. Our makeshift winter setup with no running water and freezing conditions wasn’t exactly luxurious. We even have a portable, unfoldable bathtub in the unfinished bathroom! Picture me, bathing from a bucket with hot water from a propane stove.
The thing is, whenever I see pictures of my friends’ beautiful homes, I can’t help feeling like a bit of a loser. They’ve got these comfy, cozy places while we’re roughing it out here.
However, I might not live in typical suburban living, but I wouldn’t trade it for any of my friends’ cubicle jobs in a million years. My boyfriend and I are like hermits by nature. Being around people all day drains us, and we just don’t find fulfillment in typical jobs. No cubicles for us, thank you very much. We’re happiest when we’re together, sipping coffee, and enjoying nature.
I’d rather paint. I’m totally obsessed with it. Painting feels like breathing to me. So, I’ve been dreaming about becoming an independent artist, selling my art online. It sounds perfect! But of course, it’s not as easy as it sounds. There’s a ton of work ahead, and I’ve got to figure out the ins and outs of making it work.
Anyway, I should try to get some more sleep before the sun comes up. I’ll tackle the day with whatever energy I can muster and keep pushing toward that dream job of mine.
Who knows, maybe someday I’ll be writing this journal entry from the comfort of my own cozy home, overlooking the beautiful land we built it on. Until then, it’s back to my bucket bath and solar panels!
4:38 AM
Okay, I gave up on sleep. Time to get up and face the day with a cup of coffee. I need to paint. Maybe that’ll help clear my mind from all the chaos.
5:52 AM
And there goes my anxiety, creeping up like a pesky little shadow. It’s like my mood is on a rollercoaster, swinging between positivity and feeling like my life is falling apart. Is this just part of detoxing or am I going insane? Maybe a bit of both.
7:09 AM
Can’t believe how many things are going wrong this morning. Laptops dying, internet acting up, and my art portfolio being stubborn. Oh, and my chest feels tight from the stress of not drinking. Sometimes it feels like the universe is conspiring against me.
7:53 AM
Right now I’m feeling a mix of disappointment and self-reflection. As I quickly leafed through the pages of my journal, I stumbled upon the first few entries documenting my earnest attempt at the 30-day no-alcohol challenge just a few weeks ago.
Oh boy, was I ever naive back then!
Did I genuinely believe I could conquer my alcoholism on the very first try? It’s both amusing and mortifying to read what I wrote with such unwavering optimism. Seventeen long years of battling this addiction, and yet I thought quitting alcohol would be easy. I need to educate myself further on the insidious grip alcoholism has on me so I can triumph over it.
But right now, I must confess, all I want is to sink into the welcoming embrace of my bed, shutting out the world’s demands. However, I can’t let myself give in to this fatigue and frustration. So, I’ll keep pushing forward, diving into my work on various paintings. The distractions help, but deep down, my chest feels constricted, a physical manifestation of the stress that accompanies this alcohol-free journey.
Fatigue has become my constant companion, and it’s weighing me down today. My energy is drained, and my patience is paper-thin. It’s safe to say that this isn’t shaping up to be a particularly good day so far.
11:41 AM
Progress feels good! I’ve been focused and working on my paintings, and it’s empowering to know that the work I’m doing now will (hopefully) pay off in the future.
But dang, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and all I can think about is how beer would make this day even better.
Wait, would it though?
Maybe not.
Time to reevaluate my cravings.
12:00 PM
Holy moly, it’s hot out! Guess it’s best to stay in the shade or indoors. The alcohol craving is back, and it’s hitting me hard. Must resist! Watching some America’s Got Talent for distraction.
1:04 PM
OMG, today has been a rollercoaster of emotions and insights! I stumbled upon a video that’s really got me thinking about my whole approach to sobriety. It’s crazy how life keeps surprising you even after 17 years of trying to get sober.
So, the video I watched was about “anhedonia” after addiction.
Rob from Tree House Recovery explains that anhedonia is this state of dissatisfaction or “blah” feeling that can lead to relapse during early recovery. It’s caused by a combination of biochemical factors, like the lack of dopamine release in the brain after quitting alcohol, and psychological factors, like the absence of excitement and adrenaline we used to associate with our addictive behaviors.
And let me tell you, it’s eye-opening!
I never even knew this term existed, but it explains so much about the ups and downs I’ve been experiencing lately. One day, I’m on top of the world, and the next, I’m feeling kinda “meh.” It’s like my emotions are on a wild ride, and I never knew why. Now, thanks to this video, it makes so much sense.
But hey, right now, I’m feeling pretty good, so I’m going to make the most of it and get some work done. I’m in the zone and ready to tackle painting again. It feels nice to be productive and motivated.
3:01 PM
It’s been a rollercoaster of a day, and I needed to come here to unload some thoughts and feelings.
So, remember that time I pledged to go 30 days without a sip of alcohol? Yeah, it’s one of those moments where the craving hits like a sledgehammer! I’m sitting here, battling with this fierce desire for a drink. But you know what? I’m determined to stay strong and resist the temptation.
The weather is not helping one bit. It’s sweltering outside, and there’s no escape from the heat in this camp. Come on, mother nature, cut us some slack! I can feel the sweat trickling down my back as I write this. It’s like my body’s conspiring against me, trying to make me cave in and reach for a cold one. But not today, not now!
I keep reminding myself that cravings are like stubborn guests at a never-ending party. They show up uninvited, hang around for a bit, but eventually, they get bored and leave on their own. At least, that’s what I’m hoping for with this craving.
So, I’m just going to take some deep breaths, sip on some ice-cold water, and distract myself with some America’s Got Talent. Who knows, maybe watching those talented folks will inspire me to do something amazing today.
3:13 PM
Allan decided to get some beer, but I’m sticking to my decision not to drink. It’s tough seeing him drinking. Time to stay strong and remember why I want to change.
6:37 PM
I could have easily joined Allan and drank some beer this afternoon, but I made a promise to myself to take charge of my decisions. So, while the temptation is gnawing at me like a hungry squirrel, I’m determined to stay strong.
But let me tell you, the craving is hitting hard. It’s like my body is playing a mean prank on me, squeezing my chest tight and shifting the pain behind my shoulder blades. Oh, the lengths our cravings go to! It’s like my insides are having a battle, and I’m caught right in the middle of it.
I know this is a make-or-break moment for me. The decision is now or never. I can’t keep letting myself down. As much as I want that drink, I want to prove to myself that I can resist this temptation even more. It’s like the universe is testing me, but I’m not going to back down from this challenge.
I’m taking it moment by moment, trying not to think too far ahead. Eventually, this feeling will pass, and I’ll be stronger for it. I’ve got to remind myself of the bigger picture, that there’s so much more to gain by staying true to my commitment. It’s like a tug of war, and I’m holding tight to the rope, refusing to let go.
Maybe later, I’ll find something fun or productive to do to distract myself further. But for now, I’m holding steady and focusing on getting through this moment. One step at a time, one decision at a time. I can do this.
7:00 PM
Drunk Allan and his mood swings. Can’t say or do much to calm him, so I’m just letting him be. I hope he falls asleep soon, so we can both have some peace.
8:54 PM
Finally, he’s asleep, and I’m trying to cool down the camp. Living off-grid can be tough, especially when the temperature rises, and the batteries we could afford don’t last long enough to keep the fans going at night.
I’m exhausted and ready for some much-needed rest. Tomorrow’s a new day, and I hope it brings a bit more calmness. Fingers crossed.
Good night,
– That Anonymous Artist
Supplementary Info: 2 Days Without Alcohol
Congratulations on taking the important step of going two days without alcohol! Whether you’re a heavy drinker, an occasional social drinker, or an alcoholic in recovery, limiting your alcohol intake or taking alcohol-free days can have significant benefits for your health and overall well-being.
When you start reducing your alcohol intake, you may notice some changes in your body and mind. Common alcohol withdrawal symptoms, such as headaches, irritability, and anxiety, can occur within a few hours to a day after your last drink. These symptoms typically peak within the first 24 to 48 hours, so it’s crucial to stay strong during this period. Severe alcohol withdrawal symptoms, like delirium tremens or seizures, are more common among heavy drinkers who suddenly stop drinking. If you’re experiencing severe symptoms, it’s essential to seek medical attention immediately.
Within just two days without alcohol, you’ll already begin to experience positive effects on your health. Your liver, which is responsible for processing alcohol, will start to recover from the strain of excessive alcohol consumption. Also, your sleep patterns may improve, and you may find yourself waking up feeling more refreshed. Over several months of reducing or eliminating alcohol, you may notice significant improvements in your overall health, both physically and mentally.
Keep in mind that everyone’s experience with alcohol withdrawal and abstaining from drinking alcohol is different. Some people may find it easier than others, but remember that you’re not alone in this journey. If you were a heavy drinker before, it’s important to consult with a healthcare professional or seek support from a recovery program to ensure your safety and success.
Remember, taking alcohol-free days or limiting your drinks per day is a positive step towards better health. It’s also essential to be kind to yourself and celebrate every milestone, no matter how small. Whether you’re doing it for a month, two days, or a year, every effort to reduce alcohol intake contributes to a healthier and happier you. Here’s to your continued success on this journey of improved well-being!