How I Failed the 30-Day No Alcohol Challenge on Day 9 (An Alcoholic’s Journey of Striving to Go Thirty Days without Drinking, Only to Encounter Setbacks)

Friday – Last Day of Work Before 2 Days Off!

First Attempt – Day 9 of My “30-Day No Alcohol Challenge”

6:34 AM

Oh, boy, what a night. I hardly slept a wink after mistakenly chugging down way too much caffeine from Allan’s ridiculously electric blue soda. They call it “Voltage,” and I now understand why. I swear, it’s like a bolt of lightning struck my system. Caffeine and I aren’t the best of friends, especially when it’s in turbo mode.

On the bright side, I did manage to catch some Zs from 4:50 AM to 6:00 AM, but then Allan, my boyfriend, woke me up to get ready for work. I was in the middle of a dream where Allan and I were sneaking drinks at my parents’ place. My mom has a thing against any type of booze. Understandably so, given my grandparents’ history as alcoholics.

Anyway, in the dream, I just wanted to leave my parents’ house, go home, and have a drink without feeling like a secret agent. Meanwhile, still at my parents’ house, everything was turning into a battle between me and Allan. We couldn’t stop fighting with each other.

Dreams can be so weird sometimes.

In reality, it’s worth mentioning that I’m a closet drinker. Not that anyone would believe me if I came out and said, “Hey, folks, guess what? I’m an alcoholic!” I’m a functional alcoholic and it’s just easier to keep it to myself.

Also, when it comes to Allan and me, we rarely fight when we’re sober. But the moment we introduce alcohol into the mix, well, things tend to go downhill. We’re like a rollercoaster of emotions after a few days of drinking, ending up in full-blown arguments. It’s not exactly a sight for sore eyes.

6:45 AM

Allan, the early bird that he is, rose an hour before me.

His birthday’s just around the corner, but he’s decided to celebrate today while I’m stuck at work. He’s planning to embark on a day-long drinking adventure.

I can already tell he’s got a bit of a buzz going on. His speech is starting to slur, and he won’t stop yapping. Honestly, I’m not thrilled about heading to work, but the thought of leaving the house right now seems oddly appealing.

It’s probably best that I’m heading to work because I can feel my patience wearing thin already. If I stayed, we’d probably end up arguing, and nobody wants that. When he’s intoxicated, it’s like his brain sets itself on a loop, retelling the same stories over and over again.

I just hope he gets all his drinking out of the way before I get home. I’ve got a couple of days off, and the last thing I want is to be irritated during my precious free time.

12:37 PM

It’s been on my mind all day long—how on earth am I going to stay sober around my tipsy boyfriend tonight and tomorrow?

11:38 PM

I just woke up from a drunken nap.

After work, I wasn’t strong enough. I came home, and there he was—Allan, drunk as a skunk, talking a mile a minute, and reeking of beer. That scent triggered an insatiable craving for alcohol within me.

Without a second thought, I hopped into my car, drove to the liquor store, and walked out with a big ol’ case of beer. And you guessed it—I cracked open a can as soon as I crossed the threshold of my home.

I’m utterly disappointed in myself. Tonight, I became an angry drunk. Allan didn’t deserve that, not even a little bit. I actually slapped him twice in the face and pushed him down to the ground.

What was I thinking???!!!

Truth be told, I have no recollection of why I acted so recklessly. I blacked out most of this evening.

Maybe I was furious that he wasn’t sober, or perhaps I blamed him for my own decision to drink tonight. Who knows? My brain went offline, and everything turned hazy.

Regardless of the reason, there’s absolutely no justification for hitting someone.

I feel like the worst human being alive. I’m overwhelmed by sadness and guilt. I’ve never felt this low in my entire life. Evil, that’s what I am. I can’t stop crying. Choosing to drink tonight was the biggest mistake I could have made.

I’ve let myself down, and I’ve let my relationship suffer because of my behavior.

I’m a monster. I hate myself.
– That Anonymous Monster

Supplementary Info: 30 Day No Alcohol Challenge

Failing the 30-Day No Alcohol Challenge can be disheartening, but it doesn’t mean you should give up on your journey towards a healthier lifestyle. As the author of this blog post, I want to emphasize that even though you may not have successfully completed the alcohol-free month, there are still numerous benefits to be gained from the experience. Taking a break from alcohol for even a short period can help you learn more about your drinking habits and the challenges you face. It’s not about achieving perfection; it’s about making progress and continuously striving to do better.

For those who found it difficult to quit drinking for the entire month, don’t be discouraged. The 30-day challenge is a simple guide to help you get started on the path to sobriety, but it’s not the only program out there. Some people find success with Dry January, while others prefer a longer program spanning several months or even a whole year. The key is to find a strategy that works best for you and your unique circumstances.

Quitting alcohol is not an easy task, and it’s important to acknowledge that. It requires breaking the habit that may have been ingrained for years. The risk of falling back into old patterns is real, but it doesn’t mean you should give up on your goal of reducing alcohol consumption. Instead, use the experience of this 30-day challenge as a learning opportunity. Take note of the hours of sleep you got, the improved health you felt, and the better focus you experienced. These benefits can serve as a motivation to keep striving for a more alcohol-free life.

Remember, the journey towards sobriety is different for everyone, and it’s essential to be kind to yourself along the way. Don’t compare your progress to others or get discouraged if you stumble. Use a tracker or journal to keep track of your alcohol intake and set achievable goals. By taking small steps and seeking the help of supportive people, you can easily reduce your alcohol consumption over time. Every step forward is a step closer to a healthier, happier you. So, don’t let the setback of not completing the 30-day challenge deter you from continuing on your path to a more alcohol-free lifestyle.