Thursday – Unemployed, Chasing My Dreams
Fourth Attempt – Day 2 of My “30-Day Experiment”
3:41 AM
Allan woke me up with a sweet kiss. Early mornings are for coffee and chasing dreams. One small victory: there’s still a tall boy in the fridge. Progress on his part.
6:43 AM
It’s early, and my mind is already racing with thoughts and emotions. I can’t help but feel like I’m getting on Allan’s nerves all the time. Is it because of his alcohol withdrawal? He denies it, but his mood swings are like a roller coaster. One moment he’s irritated with me, and the next, he’s outside with the squirrels, radiating happiness. But it doesn’t last long, and the irritation towards me returns.
My heart feels heavy, and tears won’t stop flowing. I’m not one to cry easily, but I guess the withdrawal symptoms are making me more sensitive than usual. This sadness and hopelessness are suffocating, leaving me unable to focus on the one thing that usually brings me joy – painting.
7:54 AM
All I want is to retreat to my cozy bed, to take a break from this life. I feel so depressed.
9:00 AM
I got out of bed with a mix of emotions swirling in my head. My heart heavy with the weight of the issues I’m facing with Allan. I tried talking things out with him, but it seems like we’re stuck in a loop. He believes my concerns are all in my head, dismissing them entirely. Maybe he’s right, or maybe we’re both too stubborn to see eye to eye.
I’ve come to a realization, though. I can’t change Allan or force him to understand me. The only person I have control over is myself. So, for now, I’ve decided to take a step back and avoid any confrontations. Whenever we talk, it just seems to escalate into a fight, and I’m exhausted from that cycle. Instead, I’m going to focus on my own well-being, my goals, and my dreams.
One thing that’s become apparent to me is that I need to prioritize my sobriety. It’s a personal journey that only I can navigate. While Allan is busy with cleaning and chores, I’ll be dedicating my time to making money. If that’s the only way we can coexist right now, so be it. At this moment, I can’t give any more energy to our relationship than that.
It’s a challenging decision, but I believe it’s necessary for my growth. I’m choosing myself and what’s best for me. Maybe with time, Allan and I will find a way to understand each other better, but for now, I need to put myself first.
11:31 AM
The beer from the fridge is gone. I just checked.
I had this little hope that we’d tackle the 30-day experiment together, you know? Trying to save some cash because, let’s face it, booze costs an arm and a leg up here in Canada. And the more moolah we save, the longer I can chase my dreams without needing to clock in at another job.
But more importantly, I’m genuinely concerned about his moodiness. It’s like he’s on a wild emotional ride, and lately, I’ve been on it too. Can’t help but wonder if the drinking is behind it. I know I’m no expert in relationships, but I can’t help but ponder what’s going on. Maybe I’m just overthinking everything because my emotions are a mess right now, but my heart feels heavy.
I know, relationships have their ups and downs, and I’m trying to remind myself of that. But sometimes, it’s tough to see through the foggy lens of emotions. I’m holding onto hope that things will stabilize, but it’s hard to shake off this feeling.
11:44 AM
Depression seems to be creeping in, and it’s hitting me hard. But, I’m trying my best to keep my spirits up.
The struggle is real – I’m battling a massive sugar craving right now. All I can think about is diving into a tub of ice cream or munching on some delicious cookies. But, my pants are starting to feel uncomfortably snug, and I know I need to stick to my healthy eating plan. It’s tough, though. Why does trying to improve my life have to make me feel so down?
I’m attempting to work, but my mind keeps wandering, and all I want to do is crawl back into bed. It’s like productivity is playing hide-and-seek with me today. Maybe I should take a break and watch an episode of “Mom” (I got a free 30-day trial on Amazon). Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine, right? I could use some good laughs to lift my spirits and shake off this gloomy cloud hovering over me.
12:45 AM
Allan just texted me, “I love you xoxox”.
12:52 AM
Right now, Allan is actually being productive. He’s out there fixing the old patio that’s been falling apart for years. I honestly can’t believe it! Maybe he hasn’t had his beer yet, or perhaps he’s on some productivity high. Either way, I’m not going to ask any questions. I’ll just let him enjoy the moment and bask in the feeling of being productive.
One thing that struck me today is how much I struggle with the need to control everything. I guess I’ve always been that way, but it’s something I want to work on. Letting go and allowing things to unfold without micromanaging every detail might just be the key to a more peaceful life.
I’m going to keep watching an episode of “Mom” before getting back to my painting. It’s amazing how a good show can lift your mood and put you in a more positive frame of mind.
3:28 PM
The summer heat is stifling and it’s making painting nearly impossible. But hey, every cloud has a silver lining, right? So instead of sweating over my canvases, I decided to dive into some research, and boy, did I go down a rabbit hole!
I’ve been delving into scientific journals about the effects of alcohol on the body and the brain. I know, it sounds pretty nerdy, but honestly, it’s fascinating stuff. The more I read, the more I realize just how much of a poison alcohol can be. It’s like I’m discovering a whole new side to my struggles with alcohol, and it’s both eye-opening and empowering.
I’m contemplating sharing my struggles and knowledge on a blog to help others.
7:59 PM
Cravings hit hard, and I wonder if they’re physical or mental. I decided to distract myself with the show “Mom” again, finding comfort in laughter.
I’m really hoping for a better tomorrow.
– That Anonymous Artist
Supplementary Info: Alcohol, 30-Day Challenge
Congratulations on considering the 30-day no alcohol challenge! Embarking on this alcohol-free experiment can bring about numerous benefits, both physical and mental. For those who haven’t started the challenge yet, you might be wondering what it’s like to go alcohol-free for a whole month. Let me assure you, it’s not as challenging as you might think.
During the 30-day alcohol-free challenge, you’ll be giving your body the grace it deserves to reset and interrupt the habits associated with daily drinks or regular boozy nights out. Many people find that after just a few days, they start noticing positive changes. Not only will you feel more energized and refreshed, but you’ll also experience improved sleep and a clearer mind. Plus, you might discover newfound minutes in your day that were previously occupied with alcohol-related activities.
One of the most significant advantages of this alcohol experiment is that it can help you understand yourself and your relationship with alcohol better. Whether you’re a moderate drinker or have considered yourself an occasional alcoholic, the 30-day alcohol-free challenge (e.g. Dry January) can shed light on the role alcohol plays in your life. You might be surprised at how easy it becomes to resist the temptation as the days go by.
If you’re worried about social challenges, fear not! There are many simple and sober ways to enjoy gatherings and events without drinks. Whether it’s replacing alcoholic beverages with mocktails or finding support from like-minded individuals taking on the same challenge, you’ll discover that there are numerous resources and guides available to help you stay on track.
So, take the leap and commit to this 30-day no alcohol challenge. You owe it to yourself to experience the benefits of an alcohol-free month. After the challenge, you can decide whether you want to continue this alcohol-free journey, moderate your consumption, or perhaps indulge in the occasional drink. Remember, you’re not depriving yourself; rather, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to explore new habits and live a healthier, alcohol-free lifestyle. Cheers to a transformative month ahead!